GOD WILL NEVER GIVE YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN HANDLE...BULLCRAP!

RAW GRIEF

As many of you know, I have struggled with my health for years now. As I have struggled, my famliy has struggled- emotionally, physically, financially....

I have wrestled with GOD, I have asked hard questions, I still do.

WHY ME?

WHY NOT TAKE THIS FORM ME?

Why do you let me loose my first baby before I even meet him? Why not knit him together in my womb?

Why do you let me suffer in agony for 9 months, doctors telling me its in my head.....why so long to find the doctor who could help?

Why when we finally feel on our feet again, when I am planning to go back to school and become a midwife, my dream job, do you allow me to get hurt at work--for the carpet to come out from under us again?

Why the Fibromyalgia?

Why doctors who don't seem to believe the pain, who want to under medicate-- all the physical pain…

Why can’t I be the MOM, the WIFE, the NURSE, THE PERSON I  used to be- the ME I LIKED.

I have been truly struggling with my identity- the achey body, the lethargy, the brain fog- just to name a few--- I can't be a NURSE with this body.

That is  who I AM....

I defined myself as a wife, a mother, and a NURSE.

I feel like I am unable to be who I was.....and can't find who I AM.

I FLOUNDER, I FEEL RAW,

I FEEL LIKE I AM CAUGHT IN A HUGE WAVE-tumbling and tumbling, grasping for to find my foothold, to find air.

There are days when I feel calm, at peace, accepting of THE RAIN, the STORMS than I have prayed to God to allow if it brings me closer to HIM. YES I PRAYED THIS PRAYER, and I STILL DO.

I TRUST GOD. I KNOW HE IS SOVEREIGN and ALL IS FOR HIS GOOD.

BUT...

Is it ok to be on the soccer field on Sunday morning?

There is this big controversy in the CHURCH about CHURCH VS SPORTS- how we may be harming our athletic kids by allowing sports on Sunday.
I struggle with this. Am I damaging my athlete in the long run? I have to be honest and say that I have struggled with this. My husband and I have prayed on this, and we have a conclusion....but I have never been brave enough to share.I know friends who do no agree with me within my church,and thats ok.

Today I went back and asked myself again, and I wrote my response....
IS IT OK TO BE ON THE SOCCER FIELD ON SUNDAY? I SAY YES....

If I could do it all over, would I have Kids?????

WOW, its been since 2011 since I have written hear, time has flown, we have had more ups than downs, but truly some major storms have and are brewing.....
I have been asking some hard questions in my journal, and writing out my thoughts...questions I can' say I haven't thought of, but have been afraid to put a true voice to....

Question 1--- If I could do it all over, would I have kids???

HE is.....

We often find ourselves asking What does He want???? What do I do next??? Am I on the right track????
I find that this Verse is one of my Favs....What he wants of us never changes. What do you do?
Act Justly
Love Mercy
 and 
Walk Humbly with your GOD.

I like to keep this one close by. You could spend weeks on this verse, or you could break it down to three simple Rules. What God wants from us NEVER CHANGES. because He never changes, He is the same  yesterday, today, and Forever.   

Today I want to talk a little bit about #3,

Walk Humbly with your God.

If we break this down, what does this mean? He wants to be a part of our daily life, to wake up with us, to do chores with us, and to just BE with us. We need to invite him in, talk to him all day long throughout your day. We need to spend our day finding ways to Praise Him, Praise Him, Praise Him for Anything and Everything you think of during the day. 

I have started a PRAISE LIST, basically names and  attribbutions  of God. As I read through THE BOOK, I write down every reference that fits my Praise List. If I am out and about one come to me I write it down when I come home....

He is...