I was just rereading my blog, found something I wanted to repost and comment/blog on.....

Monday, December 15, 2008

GOd is GOOD.
Good is Love.
He is the same yesterday, today , and tommorow no matter what he chooses to allow in my life.
This is the TRUTH.
Isiah 26:3 YOu will keep in perfect peace, him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts you.

When I started this post it was mostly to post pictures of my kids, for family and friends to check out....its now evolved. I have found the need to have a place to get out my thoughts. It helps me to reflect on what the Lord has done in my life and I find I want to share whats REALLY going on in my world with my closest and dearest famiy and friends that I send this blog out to. If anyone else happens upon it and is able to see the gospel of God through my life in any way I will feel so blessed and honored by that also.

(if all you want is the pics friends/fam just skip my wordy blogs!!!!!)

This week the above passage is my affirmation, my meditation and verse of the week. Its the thoughts I plan to think over, to dwell on in my head so I thought i would share. I had posted them a few days ago in a post but they are still whats mostly in my head so I choose to stick with them for this week as I am getting so much out of them.

Ok...here is my story..the short version...Over the last year, well really longer..there has been crisis after crisis in my life;personal mental crisis that was quite severe and had me out of work 6 months,loss of job 1, 4 family deaths,breast ca in one of closest friends,more personal health crisis(surgery and then current pleurisy) and last job crisis tha left us in bad financial crisis....I could probably go on....So whats going on GOD? why the onslaught? Why me? this is not fair...more whining at first and at various points I am sad to report but I want to be honest.

By about December of last year I clearly heard God's voice. I knew the WHy? I knew that God loved me. I felt it to the core. I knew that my GOD WAS GOOD. He was not punishing me. I am a stubborn person. My God loves his Childern and wants to mold us to his image. This is why I had to be BROKEN,crisis after crisis...obviously Erika doesn't learn fast...My God knows what I need. I heard him loud and clear tell me that I needed to learn TRUST, to put my trust first in HIM and then in JASON, my husband. Like I said I am stubborn.. I want to trust in ME first..and then fall back on Jasosn and God when Convienent...thats my immediate tendancy. That is not God's directions to us as women, nor as believers.
Now, finally, over a year later I feel like I finally am getting it. I KNOW IT. I UNDERSTAND GOD. I BELIEVE IT...well I am on my way. I am sure I doubt more than I should.I feel at peace in a way I just haven't for awhile. I know that to some it may sound like a lot to go through for one lesson. BUT THIS WAS A BIG LESSON.
God, I want to praise you for the crisis, the pain, because without it your ultimate plan for my life would not be. Without it your Glory would not shine through. I want to bring Glory to You in All that I do and say. I know I am far from that. I don't know what my next lesson will be, or if i am still on TRUST, as it is so big I am sure I will never truley learn it, but
JESUS BRING ON THE RAIN!!! I PRAISE YOU FOR IT!

December 11, 2009

Ok...So after all of that I thought I had learned my lesson... thought I was trusting and that I had landed a new WONDERFUL great PERFECT JOB, and low and behold I started trusting in ME ME ME again. I started trying to run my life again I am sorry to say. I am not saying I stopped being a christian, or stopped believing in GOd, but I think I put God in my "GOD BOX" that those of you that know me know what I mean..... let me explain again...
GOD BOX= I think of this as something that I try and put God in when
I can do it by myself,
so I try and shove God up on the shelf, in a GOD BOX...Oh, this I can handle...thats something I can do myself...When I forget that God wants to be with us in every little teeny aspect of our life. He wants me to wake each day with Him. For Him to be the first thought on my mind when I awake and the last when I go to sleep. He wants, CRAVES to be my best friend.
WHY OH WHY do I over and over forget this? I reread my blog and this seems to be a constant struggle for me. I am stubborn, YES I am. I am good at trusting me. Not as good at fully TRUSTING God and Jason as I am commanded. This is my constant prayer and my constant struggle. I guess everyone has their issue and this is what God has given me for now and what I am learning and struggling with. Sooooo.....Of course I found that YES, I am still on the same lesson TRUST.
I have encountered yet another major life crisis....Major Chronic Pelvice Pain that led to loss of job, another financial crisis, and now over six months later here we are deep in yet another crisis God had allowed for me. Yes, I did ask for the RAIN.

Here I am again, I am going to start blogging it all out again. I am making a new committment to myself to journal, to write, hopefully daily, what is happening in my life. Writing has always, always helped me in my life to figure out my thoughts. To order my life. I am letting you into my life, my journey through raising kids, my struggles, and hopefully some triumphs too?

Isiah 26:3 You will keep in perfect peace, him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.
--for a long time this has been my meditation verse, the verse I want streaming through my mind.... I love this promise to me.
I want PEACE. I desire PEACE. I crave PEACE.
Dear Lord,
I continue to pray Bring the Rain, and those that read this, those that know me, especially if they don't know you, even if they do, may think that that is a crazy request. Because you have truley brought the RAIN, THUNDERSHOWERS WORTH, into my life over the last two years. But I truley still ask this. I ask because I feel like I still have so much to learn. I feel like I am so far from where I want to be with you. I feel like I have not come close to learning to trust you as I should. To trust Jason as I should. I am so easily reliant on ME. STILL, after all you have brought me through. So yes, I ask you to BRING ON THE RAIN Lord.